Kurt reveals a penchant for Natalie Portman and is utterly useless in helping Violet deal with the Milamont Parade break-in.
One of the many, many advantages that keys have over your amusingly quaint 'mobile phones' is that they support presence states. In other words, I can tell people when I'm bored and would appreciate a call; and when I really, seriously, honestly don't want to be disturbed unless you're a movie starlet who's suddenly discovered a penchant for suspended Academy scribes.
I've had my key set to the 'movie starlet' mode for the last couple of days while waiting for the Saptivan to kick in and rid me of my hangover. This morning, my key rang. I groaned in a rather satisfying, self-pitying way, and very slowly stretched my hand out to the bedside table.
"Kurt, you-" she said.
"Wait. Is your name Joya?" I asked.
"Is it Natalie Portman? Did you, by some chance, discover a way to travel between worlds? I saw your picture on Von's screen, you seem like a very nice-"
"No, it's Violet."
"Obviously you didn't read my Do Not Disturb sign, then," I said, disappointed.
"Stop fooling around, Kurt. You don't know any movie starlets, and even if you did, they wouldn't be interested in you in this state."
"And what state is that?"
"A self-pitying bum who's lying on his bed trying to decide what sort of takeaway food he's going to have in lieu of breakfast."
"Well, I'm getting hungry, so why don't you go and tell me what this is all about," I said after a pause.
"My dad's house got broken into last night."
"That's too bad."
"Aren't you bothered by that?" asked Violet.
"Not as much as I would've been if you were a real movie starlet."
"Scarlett could've been there! She might have been hurt! And who do you think would be able to get around his security to get into his house? This is a big deal." Violet sounded like she was getting emotional. I hate it when this happens.
"No, it's not," I said, in the special voice I reserve for particularly slow or cute students, or Violet whenever I want to annoy her. "Firstly, Scarlett obviously wasn't there, because you just said 'could have'. Secondly, statistically speaking, people don't get hurt in break-ins. Thirdly, we both know that Academy security isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I could break into that house in five minutes, I bet."
"That's because I told you the security code, you idiot!"
"Finally," I continued, "it was probably just the press or the police throwing their weight around. Nothing to worry about. Sente will have all his really important stuff encrypted anyway."
"Fine," said Violet, in a tone that suggested she was exactly the opposite. "You don't care about anyone else, do you? I won't bother you again." The line went dead.
I looked up at the ceiling, frustrated, thinking of a number of snappy lines that I could've employed if I was faster. "Try getting suspended from the one place you love working, and see how much you care about that." Not bad, but a bit too wordy. "How about you stop 'caring' about everyone else, and sort out your own dead-end life?" Too hurtful. "Call me when there's something worth caring about." That was pretty good.
Although "I'll have a pepperoni with extra chillis, thanks," would've worked equally well.